Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize