I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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