I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize