No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
