Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
