you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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