so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
