apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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