I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
