Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think i have two assholes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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