So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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