Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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