I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's paper in my vomit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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