just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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