Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
