Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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