i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize