I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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