Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
