Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is Oprah even human
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
