i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize