tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize