Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize