I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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