You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This house was built for laser tag.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
