so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
