Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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