What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
