Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
