I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
