I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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