nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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