tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
