Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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