if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
