Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
