You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize