Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
