Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
