Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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