If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize