Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
