i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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