When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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