Why are handjobs necessary in class?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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