if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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