We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
