I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
