I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dick very happy bro
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
