You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
