If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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