I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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