i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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