i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
