Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
