One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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