i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
