I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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