For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
