none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize