theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
