Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
