Someone shit on the floor
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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