Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All the doctor said was why
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
