I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
