I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
