So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
