Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
