Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
