what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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