I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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