Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
