when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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