Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
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the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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