Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
