zippers are such a cool invention
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
