We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize