i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
