He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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