i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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