omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
