Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
