Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
