she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
