You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
