great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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