love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
