The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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