Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
