Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
