I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
