please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
