Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
