Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
