I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
