Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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