I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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