I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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