He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
