just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
