So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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