hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
