I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i love accidental penises.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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