Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
