just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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