there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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